I didn't expect breastfeeding to be easy... probably because I had breast reduction surgeries and was warned by doctors that I probably wouldn't be able to at all. I also read a lot about breastfeeding because I wanted to overcome the challenges I was told I would face.
After reading about BFAR (breastfeeding after reduction) I told myself that I would be happy if I could give Luke any breastmilk. It was important to me to at least try. I met with a lactation consultant (Doris) when I was 37 weeks pregnant and we discussed the options to give him the most breastmilk as possible. Once Luke was born I continued to meet with Doris who I know has a huge part in making my breastfeeding experience successful. She has been really amazing and a wonderful resource and now friend. Doris told me you can treat breastmilk as either a vitamin or food. If you treat it as a vitamin, as little as one ounce per day can be beneficial for your baby- providing the antibodies and vitamins they need. Obviously if you treat it as food, you need to make 25-30 ounces per day.
So, I've been able to exclusively breastfeed for 3.5 months (give or take 3 formula bottles) so I'm considering that success. However, it has not been easy. It has been the most stressful experience of my life. I constantly worry about whether he is getting enough food, he is extremely distracted, he won't nurse in public (or out of the glider for that matter). For the first two months I had nipple trauma that wouldn't heal and he was gaining slow. Babies are supposed to gain 1/2 ounce to an ounce a day and he was right at the 1/2 oz average. So not a concern by the doctors but a concern to me. Because I chose to get the surgery and still breastfeed him, I blamed myself about his low percentile constantly. I started pumping more and giving him three 5 oz bottles a day to make sure he was getting enough. When I started this, he started gaining the 1oz per day. Then around 3 months I ended up with mastitis and a clogged duct- mastitis might've been the worst day of my life- fever, migraine and an infant to care for. Not fun.
Now, we're at 3.5 months and little mister decides to go on a nursing strike. He will successfully nurse for 2-3 feedings in the morning (until about 10am) then refuses the breast- screaming, crying (with real tears), scratching, grabbing my neck- the works. I get an appointment with Doris (at 3:15 so she gets to witness his behavior), he latches on and off for about 3 minutes while cooing and giggling at me. He took in 1.5 oz- obviously not enough for a meal. Doris feels around in his mouth and announces that he's starting to get teeth! WTF he's only 3 months!?!? Supposedly it's normal when starting to get teeth to go on a nursing strike for a little bit. So now we're pumping again- now 6-8 times a day. The rejection is really tough, it breaks my heart when he turns me down and then guzzles a bottle. I've been struggling with the rejection.
So as rewarding as breastfeeding has been for me- I am truly so proud of my body for working so hard, it has been a rollercoaster of emotions and the cause of a lot of worry and tears.
Honestly, I have spoke to very few people who said breastfeeding was easy for them- it's been stressful for everyone. I am so thankful that Oregon has such amazing resources (along with the highest breastfeeding rates in the nation), it's been a great experience for me and worth the tears. For now, we're aiming for 6 months but ultimately a year of breastmilk for my baby.
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